August 6, 2015

Dear God, it’s me Karen,

I really need this Zoloft to start working. I’m not going to hurt myself or anything, but I am indeed hurting so much on the inside. I feel like I’m drowning in a sea of sadness and It’s hard to take.

Part of me knows I shouldn’t have left the hospital as early as I did. I mean on the one hand the anxiety I was picking up from there was getting to me. It was so loud and chaotic and I don’t do well in those situations. So I got myself out knowing I could rest better at home.

But home still has its pressures. Kids are loud and chaotic, just like the hospital, only they are also demanding of me. And I’m trying so hard but I feel like a failure as a mother. I’m too far gone to be the mother I want to be, and while I want to try, I don’t have the energy. I do give them whatever bits of energy I can find, but it’s not enough. It’s never enough.

I’m doing my best to self-care. I’m being down right lazy in the name of my health. I’m taking all my meds as prescribed. I’m doing all I can to be healthy. There is just one key element that is missing.

I need this Zoloft to work. Not just kick in, but actually make me feel better. I leave it in your hands because I’ve done all I can.

Karen Marrs

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