October 28, 2015

Dear God, it's me Karen,

I am so tense with stress right now it's making me physically ill.  So ill I can't attend class or complete homework, which is what has me stressed in the first place.  It's this huge snowball effect and I'm at the center unsure of which way is up.

I know what I need to do.  I just need my ability to focus back.  That would be swell.


Sincerely,
Karen Marrs

October 18, 2015

Dear God, it's me Karen,

Not having breast cancer was some much needed, good news.  Thank you for that.

Sincerely,
Karen Marrs

October 17, 2015

Dear God, it's me Karen,

Alright, I see you watching over me.  The 97% in stats was expected.  The 100% in algebra was not.  Especially as she was overcome with the urge to give me 6 bonus points simply because I'm trying really hard and she knew I could use and honestly deserve the points.

I think that was in part your work and I thank you as much as I thanked her.

I'll survive these 2 math classes yet.  It's nice to know I have a team, including you and both professors, supporting me.  I can rest a little easier.

Sincerely,
Karen Marrs

October 16, 2015

Dear God, it's me Karen,

So the car...  I mean we have the parts the the guy fixing it knows how, but it seems to be impossible to have everyone and everything needed all together at once, and it not raining.  Plus daylight.

I really need my car working.  I'm having to reschedule things.  I haven't been to therapy in a few weeks now, and I had to reschedule T's as well.  Not to mention my meds appointment.  We just really need a running car.

Please just help this become a thing.  Help those who are needed have the time to fix it.

Sincerely,
Karen Marrs

October 15, 2015

Dear God, it's me Karen,

I have that mammogram today.  I would really like for nothing of interest to be found.  That would be nice.  For once something going well.

Sincerely,
Karen Marrs

October 14, 2015

Dear God, it's me Karen,

I have 2 tests I'm waiting for scores on.  One for each class.  The one I have a high A in, but the other I'm getting closer and closer to a B.

For both tests, I did my absolute best, and I would like the scores to reflect that.  Not that there is anything that can be done about that now.  What's done is done, I'm just waiting on results.  But if you could just be with me when I get them...  I have a feeling that my one class might drop down to a B and while logically I'm ok with that, emotionally I'm rather attached to my A's.

Just help me to accept that my best does not have to be perfection.

Sincerely,
Karen Marrs

October 11, 2015

Dear God, it's me Karen,

So I hopefully have this great opportunity for a work fellowship with my current algebra professor.  It would start after this term ends, and from the sounds of it it's basically mine assuming no one else will want it because it's math.  That's actually an appeal for me, but an ick for others.

It would be a great way for me to enter the working world for a few hours a week, and not feel like I'm working.  This could actually help my mental health out.  I need to be productive.  Sitting at home only helps for so long.  And an income, of whatever size, will be a weight off the chest.

Also, as I plan to teach, this will get my foot in that door.  Being a TA, or having a work fellowship as will be the case since I'm not a grad student, is a great introduction to the world I'm wanting to enter.  I'll maybe be able to start teaching in as early as 5 years, or so.  So spending the time between now and then being a TA would be great.

I'm just super excited.  And I know... this past year it's felt like if something could go wrong, it does.  There has been one notable exception, and that's you sparing my sister's life.  And I'll gladly suffer all the horrible things all over again, just to have her continue to live.

But this... I kind of feel like you've aligned everything in my life to have me reach this point in this day where I just happen to have the heard of the department as my professor, and she just happens to really need some help with things.  I just so happen to love math and I'm at a place where a 15-or-so hour a week job would do more good than harm.  A year ago, that wouldn't be true.  But right now?  Things are falling into place beautifully for this and I feel like maybe you're handing me this as a gift to start my life back on the right track.  An answer to financial troubles.  An answer to me needing to socialize more.  An answer to me feeling a greater purpose.  Plus, I've been doubting if I'd even know how to teach when the time comes, and this would help kill that doubt!  So I feel like this is a gift.

I'm just terrified to get my hopes up.