Dear God, It's Me Karen: General Well Being

Showing posts with label General Well Being. Show all posts

October 18, 2015

Dear God, it's me Karen,

Not having breast cancer was some much needed, good news. Thank you for that.

Sincerely,
Karen Marrs

Dear God, it's me Karen,

So the car... I mean we have the parts the the guy fixing it knows how, but it seems to be impossible to have everyone and everything needed all together at once, and it not raining. Plus daylight.

I really need my car working. I'm having to reschedule things. I haven't been to therapy in a few weeks now, and I had to reschedule T's as well. Not to mention my meds appointment. We just really need a running car.

Please just help this become a thing. Help those who are needed have the time to fix it.

Sincerely,
Karen Marrs

October 15, 2015

Dear God, it's me Karen,

I have that mammogram today. I would really like for nothing of interest to be found. That would be nice. For once something going well.

Sincerely,
Karen Marrs

October 11, 2015

Dear God, it's me Karen,

So I hopefully have this great opportunity for a work fellowship with my current algebra professor. It would start after this term ends, and from the sounds of it it's basically mine assuming no one else will want it because it's math. That's actually an appeal for me, but an ick for others.

It would be a great way for me to enter the working world for a few hours a week, and not feel like I'm working. This could actually help my mental health out. I need to be productive. Sitting at home only helps for so long. And an income, of whatever size, will be a weight off the chest.

Also, as I plan to teach, this will get my foot in that door. Being a TA, or having a work fellowship as will be the case since I'm not a grad student, is a great introduction to the world I'm wanting to enter. I'll maybe be able to start teaching in as early as 5 years, or so. So spending the time between now and then being a TA would be great.

I'm just super excited. And I know... this past year it's felt like if something could go wrong, it does. There has been one notable exception, and that's you sparing my sister's life. And I'll gladly suffer all the horrible things all over again, just to have her continue to live.

But this... I kind of feel like you've aligned everything in my life to have me reach this point in this day where I just happen to have the heard of the department as my professor, and she just happens to really need some help with things. I just so happen to love math and I'm at a place where a 15-or-so hour a week job would do more good than harm. A year ago, that wouldn't be true. But right now? Things are falling into place beautifully for this and I feel like maybe you're handing me this as a gift to start my life back on the right track. An answer to financial troubles. An answer to me needing to socialize more. An answer to me feeling a greater purpose. Plus, I've been doubting if I'd even know how to teach when the time comes, and this would help kill that doubt! So I feel like this is a gift.

I'm just terrified to get my hopes up.

October 9, 2015

Dear God, it's me Karen,

Please let it be nothing. I don't even want to talk about it, just let it be nothing.

Sincerely,
Karen Marrs

September 30, 2015

Dear God it's me Karen,

Well. That happened. I should be grateful I was in the parking lot when my car literally fell apart, and not on the freeway, like I had been 15 minutes prior. And I am grateful for that.

But the thing is, we're a one car family and there is 6 of us dependent on a car that is now had a steering column in pieces, and we can't afford to fix it.

Or more precisely, I guess we can use the school money that will be showing up in a couple of weeks, but that's kind of how we were going to pay bills for the next month or two. I mean that check in October wasn't fun money. It was survival money. And we need all of it for basic survival.

There is a slim chance my brother-in-law can fix it himself and I'm really needing that to be the case. I don't know how else we're going to survive the next 5 months.

I'm also...

I mean to be honest I struggle with this faith thing as it is. And if it were just one thing I'd be ok. But the hits just keep coming. I don't even get a chance to recover from one before the next one hits and I just can't do it anymore.

I'm not saying I'm suicidal. I'm too stubborn for that, plus I made a promise to you that I have not forgotten.

But God, I could use a miracle here.

Sincerely,
Karen Marrs

September 20, 2015

Dear God, it's me Karen,

I feel that now is the perfect time to reflect with you on how often I post here. I like keeping it at one a day, because then I feel like I'm in constant contact with you, which allows me to better feel your presence in my life.

At the same time, I can't pray to you about a life balance and then turn around and stress about writing my prayers every day. Especially since I am in contact with you the old fashion way, through each day.

So if, and as, I calm down from posting daily, to just a few times a week, please know it is not a representation of my relationship with you. I'm still here and you'll here from me. But in choosing to spend my time wisely, I think you'll approve of me not stressing over time to write to you. I'll still make the time to post what needs said. Exploring my relationship with you is still a high priority. It's just all about balance.

Sincerely,
Karen Marrs

September 19, 2015

Dear God, it's me Karen,

Please let me keep ahead of my school work. Last week was stressful because I got behind due to being sick. I'm going to work hard this week, and next week, and the weeks that follow, to keep ahead of the game. Please just help me to feel that motivation. I'm very well self directed. I allow myself breaks, but not in the name of sacrificing my grades. I have a perfect 4.0 and if that's going to slip, then it's going to be because I struggle with the work, and not because I'm not getting it done.

So please... I guess what I'm asking for is less motivation based, but to help me manage my over all feelings of stress while I balance my obligations in life. And that includes a health balance of time for gaming, or reading, and writing. I can have it all, and it shouldn't be impossible. Just please help me not feel the stress of my balancing act.

I promise to do what I'm suppose to do. I know this one is just as much if not more so on me than it is on you.

Sincerely,
Karen Marrs

September 18, 2015

Dear God, it's me Karen,

I don't prey for Patrick often if at all, mostly because I don't know where to begin. He's afraid it's be cause I've given up hope and that isn't it, but my answer isn't much better. I'm so overwhelmed with all his health problems that I don't know where to start.

I could just ask for a blanket, "please let him be healthier". However, I understand Rome wasn't built in a day and I know the process to get him where he wants and needs to be will take years. So I'll start small, one task at a time, until Rome is complete, and my husband is healthy. But what brick do you lay first? What becomes the cornerstone to all of Rome?

Well, I think I have the answer.

My husband is currently so swollen all through his body. It's water weight, we know. He needs to cut his salt intake, and has. He needs to drink more regular water, and cut out the other crap, and he has. He read that eating bananas decreases sodium in the body, so he's shoveling them in. He is trying.

Just please... I know this won't be an overnight thing. I know it'll take some time. But he's putting forth so much effort, please allow him to see success. It'll help with his motivation for the next stone that follows.

Sincerely,
Karen Marrs

September 17, 2015

Dear God, it's me Karen,

Alright here's the deal. While making friends in class, I'll settle for not being hated. For not being the annoying one. I'll keep my trap shut instead of having all the answers and it'll all be fine.

Right?

Just please help me keep my trap shut so I'm not hated. Please.

Sincerely,
Karen Marrs

Dear God, It's Me Karen

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