August 21, 2015

Dear God, it's me Karen,

The past two years have been some of the most trying years of my life.  If the old adage "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" is true, then I have the strength of an Olympian inside me.  I'll spare the gore details here as you already know what is what, and anyone reading this who might be curious can go read my other blog.  I started fresh with a new outlook on spirituality and our relationship when I started this journal, I want to keep it in the present and looking to a healthy future.

The past 2 years have been trying though.  The most trying of my life and it really put what faith I had to test.  That test however... I came out the other end of it far more spiritual than I began it.  It almost scares me.  Allowing myself this much faith in something or someone I can't see, can't touch.

But I can touch it.  You are in my sister as she continues to live despite almost dying.  You are in the accomplishment of finally getting Sammy enrolled in preschool.  So what if there is a waiting list and she'll be delayed 2 weeks.  You are raising the numbers on the waiting list ensuring that one more class is opened up so that she can go.

I see you in the $2000 my mom was able to unexpectedly loan me.  An option for a credit line that appeared to her when it was needed the most.  Not just by me, but her as well.

I can even feel the Zoloft starting to work,

Old me would see these as a series of coincidences, and maybe they are, but I'm choosing faith and to see you in these actions.  I choose to see your work at hand.

I still won't name my faith.  I don't like organized religion and I don't feel I need to go somewhere special to celebrate you or communicate with you.  I celebrate you with each trip to the park.  I communicate to you just fine here and in some more silent and personal prayers.

I am, however, adamant that I want to read the big 3 holy books.  I'll start with the Bible, move to the Torah, and finish with the Koran.  This will allow me different versions of how others celebrate you and maybe allow me to be better in touch with my spirituality.

I promise to read these books with an open mind, but I am ever the scientist. The heart and soul of each book, however, is love and compassion, and I can accept that into my heart.  The rest, well, these texts were written by man and I can forgive things I can't believe that were written with love and excitement.

I think I'll share my journey through all 3 books here.  I don't know what I'll say, but I imagine I'll have thoughts, and as this journal is my journey into faith, I should chronicle my journal through scripture.

I think that'll be alright.

Karen Marrs

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